September 19, 2020
We’d like to confirm some recent activity on your card…
Since I never answer my phone, I missed a call from my credit card company. The voice message said I needed to call them back immediately to verify some charges.Being that it was 9:30am on a Saturday AM and I hadn’t even used the card since my back-to-school shopping spree weeks ago, this concerned me.
Crazy thoughts swirled through my head of some little old lady gambling with my money in Vegas and stuffing her winnings into that Gucci purse I want. Darn her!
Picture a war room with a bunch of suits hovering around a conference table reviewing charts. My name is on the white board with a huge “ALIVE OR NOT?” after it. The accountants are busy analyzing and reanalyzing the profit margin forecast data for the quarter. “We have to know if she is alive,” they desperately announce.
“Just call her,” the boss orders the intern. “Say you’re from security, and ask her about some recent charges so we know she’s still around.
The intern looks over the bill and thinks “not much to choose from. This is going to sound stupid.” He reluctantly makes the call. “Phew, answering machine message.” Then they sit and stare at the phone in the middle of the table, waiting for it to ring.
RRRIIINNNNGGGG!! They jump at the sound of the phone rattling on the table. “Quiet everyone! It’s her! Shhhhh…”
So I called them back.
The guy wanted to verify the following 2 charges :
I swear as I was hanging up the phone, I heard the cheer of a crowd. Strange….
The real reason behind the call – my theory
Based on past usage history, a three-week lapse in using my card caused my account to be flagged as “owner possibly deceased.” This, in turn, sparked an emergency meeting of the big wigs to see if they would be able to stay afloat without me or if they would need to file for a bailout.Picture a war room with a bunch of suits hovering around a conference table reviewing charts. My name is on the white board with a huge “ALIVE OR NOT?” after it. The accountants are busy analyzing and reanalyzing the profit margin forecast data for the quarter. “We have to know if she is alive,” they desperately announce.
“Just call her,” the boss orders the intern. “Say you’re from security, and ask her about some recent charges so we know she’s still around.
The intern looks over the bill and thinks “not much to choose from. This is going to sound stupid.” He reluctantly makes the call. “Phew, answering machine message.” Then they sit and stare at the phone in the middle of the table, waiting for it to ring.
RRRIIINNNNGGGG!! They jump at the sound of the phone rattling on the table. “Quiet everyone! It’s her! Shhhhh…”
So I called them back.
The guy wanted to verify the following 2 charges :
- A $13 charge to a software company
- A $7 charge to half.com for 3 books – I know, right? A bargain!
I swear as I was hanging up the phone, I heard the cheer of a crowd. Strange….