September 13, 2020
This week’s mission was to make the required trip to DMV to get my new driver’s license. Online
renewal was not an option, but I was happy about that.
I’ve been waiting for over 12 years for this day to come. You see, I moved to Florida when I was eight months pregnant, and my driver’s license has a horrible close-up of a very swollen-faced pregnant lady that doesn’t even look like me. People do a double-take when they check my ID.
I have quite a history of bad ID photos. Worst of all would have to be my Passport photo which I had taken at about 16. My mother warned me to look nice for the picture. I didn’t listen. The result was teasing from my family each time we crossed a European border, and a patrolman had to lean down to look in the car.
“Ha ha! They had to see if the person in that bad photo really exists!” my sister would exclaim. I have to admit, it is like I worked to have bad hair in that picture and was going for the bed head, fell-asleep-with-wet-hair look.
Many years later, I went to Mexico and had to use that passport…again! Embarrassing.
Why do bad photos last forever and good ones only for a short amount of time? My favorite license picture was my driver’s permit, so it lasted only one year. I still have it. Occasionally I shove it in my kids’ faces and force them to compliment me on it.
One year after moving to Florida my address changed, and I couldn’t get to the DMV fast enough to change the picture. Hair done and all dressed up, I was handed my license before I even knew what was happening.
“You could have done this online, ma’am. We have the photos stored on the computers.”
*Insert a Charlie Brown “AAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!”* What?! No new picture? I left very disappointed.
I was reminded of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine is desperately trying to get a good photo, but they keep taking the picture before she is posed correctly. She returns to DMV multiple times to try again with no success. I can relate to that.
I stood in the long line. Slowly…slowly…I made my way up to “The Gatekeeper of the DMV.” You can’t get past him without proper identification. Florida recently changed the paperwork requirement for renewal, and I’m surprised they didn’t ask for a DNA sample. The appointment line had to be clear before I could move forward. I restlessly stood in the heels I can hardly walk in. I entertained myself by reading the jailhouse tattoos adorning a few gang members in front of me while thinking that my four year old could have drawn better.
Finally I was called. I practically skipped to the desk like a little girl about to get a huge lollipop and handed my papers to the pleasant guy behind the reception desk.
“I would like to renew my driver’s license,” I told him smiling and maybe looking a bit too happy considering where I was.
My smile quickly turned into a frown when I was notified I was missing an original document. This requires a trip to the bank for the safety deposit box. NO!!!! I’m all dressed up! Now I’m out of time and have to try again the next day. I wobbled in my heels back to the car…devastated.
To be prepared in the morning, I stop by the bank at 4:30pm only to find out they close at 4:00pm. What kind of slack business are they operating?! I thought banker hours were 9-5. *sigh*
I make an online DMV appointment to avoid the line.
I drop the dog off at the groomers and three kids at school. A quick stop by bank to retrieve my social security card, and I was on my way.
Apparently the appointment line goes first unless I’m standing in it. I finally reach the gatekeeper and am again turned away for another piece of paper. I’m running on an average of four hours of sleep each night this week, so I don’t have time for this. Tears of frustration start to build, and I fight them off because crying is just going to mess up my perfect picture. I am coming back here and finishing this thing TODAY!
I guess I was sufficiently ugly by this point since I got past “The Gatekeeper”! Hurray! This nightmare is almost over. I wait for twenty minutes for my number to be called.
I happily hand over all my paperwork including my daughter’s stick person drawing of me that accidentally ended up in the stack. Hey I guess that is another form of ID, too, and at this point I have to cover all possible bases. I’m one step ahead of them this time.
He said everything looked perfect. Relief!! He asked me to step to my right. I excitedly looked behind me for the screen to stand in front of while fluffing my hair. There wasn’t one. Then I realize he was talking about the vision checking machine. I’ve always had perfect vision, but have noticed lately…it is starting to deteriorate at a rapid rate.
I was given a letter to take to an eye doctor and told to return with the glasses for trip #4.
All of the sudden the pregnancy picture doesn’t seem so bad.
renewal was not an option, but I was happy about that.
A new picture
I’ve been waiting for over 12 years for this day to come. You see, I moved to Florida when I was eight months pregnant, and my driver’s license has a horrible close-up of a very swollen-faced pregnant lady that doesn’t even look like me. People do a double-take when they check my ID.
I have quite a history of bad ID photos. Worst of all would have to be my Passport photo which I had taken at about 16. My mother warned me to look nice for the picture. I didn’t listen. The result was teasing from my family each time we crossed a European border, and a patrolman had to lean down to look in the car.
“Ha ha! They had to see if the person in that bad photo really exists!” my sister would exclaim. I have to admit, it is like I worked to have bad hair in that picture and was going for the bed head, fell-asleep-with-wet-hair look.
Many years later, I went to Mexico and had to use that passport…again! Embarrassing.
Why do bad photos last forever and good ones only for a short amount of time? My favorite license picture was my driver’s permit, so it lasted only one year. I still have it. Occasionally I shove it in my kids’ faces and force them to compliment me on it.
Good photos not allowed
I have a conspiracy theory that if you look “too good”, the DMV is allowed to make up a reason why you can’t get your license that day. This is to ensure that everyone has an equally bad photo.One year after moving to Florida my address changed, and I couldn’t get to the DMV fast enough to change the picture. Hair done and all dressed up, I was handed my license before I even knew what was happening.
“You could have done this online, ma’am. We have the photos stored on the computers.”
*Insert a Charlie Brown “AAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!”* What?! No new picture? I left very disappointed.
I was reminded of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine is desperately trying to get a good photo, but they keep taking the picture before she is posed correctly. She returns to DMV multiple times to try again with no success. I can relate to that.
Attempt #1
I decided to go right after my appointment with a client since I was dressed up and my hair was done. That’s a rare occasion.I stood in the long line. Slowly…slowly…I made my way up to “The Gatekeeper of the DMV.” You can’t get past him without proper identification. Florida recently changed the paperwork requirement for renewal, and I’m surprised they didn’t ask for a DNA sample. The appointment line had to be clear before I could move forward. I restlessly stood in the heels I can hardly walk in. I entertained myself by reading the jailhouse tattoos adorning a few gang members in front of me while thinking that my four year old could have drawn better.
Finally I was called. I practically skipped to the desk like a little girl about to get a huge lollipop and handed my papers to the pleasant guy behind the reception desk.
“I would like to renew my driver’s license,” I told him smiling and maybe looking a bit too happy considering where I was.
My smile quickly turned into a frown when I was notified I was missing an original document. This requires a trip to the bank for the safety deposit box. NO!!!! I’m all dressed up! Now I’m out of time and have to try again the next day. I wobbled in my heels back to the car…devastated.
To be prepared in the morning, I stop by the bank at 4:30pm only to find out they close at 4:00pm. What kind of slack business are they operating?! I thought banker hours were 9-5. *sigh*
I make an online DMV appointment to avoid the line.
Attempt #2
The next day, I’m prepared. The dressed-up/hair-fixed level has dropped significantly from yesterday.I drop the dog off at the groomers and three kids at school. A quick stop by bank to retrieve my social security card, and I was on my way.
Apparently the appointment line goes first unless I’m standing in it. I finally reach the gatekeeper and am again turned away for another piece of paper. I’m running on an average of four hours of sleep each night this week, so I don’t have time for this. Tears of frustration start to build, and I fight them off because crying is just going to mess up my perfect picture. I am coming back here and finishing this thing TODAY!
Attempt #3
Back to the bank…back to DMV. They let me jump the line, because by now they have seen me enough to invite me to their child’s birthday party. I don’t even care about the photo anymore. I just want my license. Makeup is melting and smudged. Hair is now tousled and frizzing. Forehead is popping out new stress lines. This is how they wear you down until you are driver’s license picture-worthy.I guess I was sufficiently ugly by this point since I got past “The Gatekeeper”! Hurray! This nightmare is almost over. I wait for twenty minutes for my number to be called.
I happily hand over all my paperwork including my daughter’s stick person drawing of me that accidentally ended up in the stack. Hey I guess that is another form of ID, too, and at this point I have to cover all possible bases. I’m one step ahead of them this time.
He said everything looked perfect. Relief!! He asked me to step to my right. I excitedly looked behind me for the screen to stand in front of while fluffing my hair. There wasn’t one. Then I realize he was talking about the vision checking machine. I’ve always had perfect vision, but have noticed lately…it is starting to deteriorate at a rapid rate.
Fail
I failed the vision test!!!! I was almost done, and I failed! It’s like tripping just before the finish line.I was given a letter to take to an eye doctor and told to return with the glasses for trip #4.
My eyes have expired!
Not only do I have an expired license, I now have expired eyes. I denied it as long as I could. I’m off to get glasses. I’m one of those people that don’t look good in glasses no matter how fashionable they are. I have to assume this is DMV’s final attempt to ruin my new picture.All of the sudden the pregnancy picture doesn’t seem so bad.