How my jeans are affecting my life

This is my open letter and a desperate plea to the fashion industry :

Dear Fashion Industry :

Please design a new style of jeans that cover the hips just a bit more. All I’m asking for is about an inch. I’m a mom, but I do have enough fashion sense to stay away from the “Mom Jeans” stereotype. I’m not looking for a “Pee Wee Herman” type look, just a little more coverage for the muffin-top impaired.

The current selection of jeans available barely cover my hips and are causing great stress and money issues.

I haven’t been able to shop on the lower shelf of the grocery store in over two years. You see, that is where the bargain brands are located, and I’m unable to get to them without holding my shirt down in the back with one hand while performing an unnatural yoga bend to reach the product without flashing everyone in the busy aisle. I guess I could bend down with my back to the shelf and reach behind me for the item, but that attracts strange stares and unwanted attention. 

I’m currently researching a theory that there is a conspiracy between the jeans manufacturers and name brand food companies. Their goal is to force us to avoid store brands by preventing shoppers from reaching the bottom shelf. Very clever, but I am on to you. My only option is to bring along my children who can reach that shelf, but that ends up costing me more money as they add unnecessary items to the cart. You can see my dilemma. 

I enjoy taking my family out for the occasional Friday night dinner. However, walking into the restaurant, the stress begins as I attempt to steer the hostess to a table that has a chair that backs up to a wall so I can comfortable sit for an hour without constantly pulling my shirt back down in the back. It is hard to enjoy a meal when you are worried about exposure issues. Despite your advertising claims, this is not a sexy look while dining. Sometimes we have to wait an hour for an acceptable table. Booths are, of course, the best option.
This might be a good time to mention that short shirts do not go with low cut jeans, so these fads should never occur in the same season.

Might I suggest testing your jeans in real-life circumstances such as: (a) your child drops her art paper in the parking lot and the wind is blowing…requiring constant bending and running at the same time. (b) heaving yourself up into a tall SUV at the gas station which requires you bend and then slide into your seat. (c) Having to squat down to tie your preschooler’s shoe in a crowded mall. Thorough testing is required to properly assign a flashability rating (FR) which I recommend adding to all tags. FR0 would be fully covered and FR10 is you’re at risk for an indecent-exposure charge.

Thank you for consideration in adding about 1 more inch to the waist height to accommodate real people.

Best regards