Back to school blues

I was shocked to discover there are no country songs about back-to-school shopping. The level of pain involved ranks up there with heartbreak doesn’t it? I guess it’s too hard to rhyme lyrics to “three ring binder” and “pencil pouch”.

My ballad

If I were a singer, I would start off the song with: “I lost the last two inch, three-ring binder to the lady with the large handbag in aisle 4.” Sung with all the heartfelt sadness of losing the one you love mixed in with my original North Carolina twang of an accent, I’m sure it would be a hit.

Scavenger hunt

I’m down to the fourth school supply shopping trip and hope this is my last. Every time I return and proudly hand over the bag of supplies with the smile of success, another list gets shoved in my hand and causes the wrinkle on my forehead to grow a bit deeper.

By the fourth trip, supplies are scarce and it becomes more like a scavenger hunt at Walmart. I approached the school supply aisle which resembles the crumbled aftermath of a war zone. Shelves are disheveled, and items are in the incorrect bins. I tried to recall if my four year old had been here looking for a lost Barbie shoe because the mess looked awfully familiar.

I quickly located the five items clearly defined as “I can’t live without them one more day or I will fail school” by my son.

While in the checkout lane, I grab a bottle of Tylenol to help the pain in my hand from filling out 3 schools’ worth of vital information the night before. Five hours of filling out the same information over and over again can cause severe damage to your hand and mental status. I grabbed a dark chocolate Snickers for that.

I seem to recall noting that I’m on the verge of a school shopping mental breakdown in the section marked “Other things I should be aware of” on the form for my daughter’s science teacher.

My shining moment

Triumphantly I returned home with my bounty. Surely they can appreciate how difficult it is to locate specific items like an orange 3-prong plastic folder without Justin Bieber’s face on it.

I can only imagine the kids will lift me up on their shoulders and cheer for my super momness. They will adorn me with a cape and crown, chant my name, and proclaim it to be “Mom Day” for the rest of the evening.

In reality I got a thanks and a “By the way, I forgot to tell you. I need dry erase markers, too.” I’m considering disowning him at this point.